Creativity is a funny thing. We are naturally creative beings but often it is downplayed to honor more of a practical and productive lifestyle. This or that. Creative or functional. So although we may not consider ourselves creative, is it who we are … we have just looked the other way. I was one who looked the other way.
Until it found me ...
As I was winding down a 30+ year career in the healing arts I bumped into zentangling, which is basically an approach that uses dots, lines and circles to create organic designs. The premise is you can’t do it wrong, so if your pen slips, you just change the design. Simple.
This was right up my alley as I wasn’t an artist but have enjoyed doodling over the years. What came out of my simple drawings amazed me … so simple … so beautiful … so easy, once you realize it can be.
This led to the wild idea that I could learn to play guitar. This wasn’t a new idea. I’ve packed a guitar around with me since college, always intending to learn how to play it but never quite getting around to it.
So at 60 something, the time seemed right. Granted this IS something you can do wrong, but there is so much you can explore as you ‘do it right.’ I played with a group of women for a year or two until covid hit, then we retreated to our own worlds. I fell in love, a bit more with songwriting than the actual playing, but being a beginner at both provided hours and hours of cheap amusement.
Becoming a Singer Songwriter (in my own world) was really a dream come true - I always thought that would be the coolest thing ever. And as long as I didn’t go out in public to try to convince anyone else of that, I would remain a star of my own making. True delight.
Around that time, the intentional creativity movement came into my awareness and my interest was piqued. Shiloh, the founder, seemed a tad bit overwhelming to me but full of life, love and had created a massive organization of women artists who were all about full expression, collaboration and love of life.
I had been talking about expressing more of who I am, my Authentic Self for years, slowly inching my way there but these women were really living it. Ok, this was a huge stretch for this little hermit inspired being who loved her isolation, but I just couldn’t resist. My toe had to dip into this pond.
I knew I wanted to step more fully into my creative side but my linear brain way of living was very strong and helped me get through a lot of trouble in my life, so I couldn’t very well ditch it. I signed up for Legend, a 6 week class, and it was …. mostly frustrating. I didn’t know what I was doing, how to paint, what was expected or how to assess my skill level.
Granted this too was a ‘can’t do it wrong’ thing since the focus was the process not the end result of a painting but … well, I wanted to do it right. Which made no sense. My linear brain tried and tried to figure it all out so round and round and round I went.
HELP ARRIVES
In a twisted way, the universe helped me out at this point. My son is into high tech stuff, I was not so much but wanted to be able to share it a bit, so at his suggestion I bought a VR (virtual reality) headset. He told me about the incredible creativity programs and said I’d love it. So I looked around inside of it, trying the drawing and meditation offers – very cool!!! And I did love it. It’s amazing!
Oh, but look - there's PING PONG!! I love ping pong! I opted for the Mountain Chalet setting ... large beam structure with massive windows where I could see huge mountains all around me and a gondola in the distance. Beautiful! Yes, this is a great place to play.
Immediately I got a few requests to play a game with some folks online, but thought I'd better try it on my own first. So Mr. AI (Artificial Intelligence), let's play.
It was a lot of fun .... until he lobbed one and I went for a backhand slam. My mistake. Had there been a real table there to catch me, I would've made the shot, I'm sure, but there wasn't and with my momentum I flew outside of my designated safe zone and crashed through furniture. I'm pretty sure I just hit my head (really hard) on the table but I don't know. And skinned my knee (on the rug, if that tells you anything - yes I was wearing pants).
Hearing the commotion, Kevin came running. When he arrived I was in a fetal position trying to figure out if I was still alive. No blood, that's good. I guess.
But I did land a concussion. It stopped my ability to think and forced me into each present moment. It was terrifying and yet, fascinating at the same time. The computer … looking down & seeing movement as I took a step … thinking about dinner … all caused my head to want to explode. I just couldn’t handle such complex things.
As it turned out, painting was the one thing I could do that didn't hurt my brain. That and listening to soft jazz. Neither of which I ever did before the concussion and have since learned how both calm the nervous system and enhance brain healing. Well, healing on ALL levels but my primary focus at that point was on my brain. I lovingly jest that it took a concussion to get me out of my head and into my life.
Painting took me to a place out of time and space, where I could painlessly create. The colors felt alive and magical. So, I signed up for a year long painting journey to freedom.
To be continued …